Twinning: Keeping the Magic Alive

There is nothing more romantic than your partner at three AM, rolling over to toss an arm around your body. Maybe you expect a snuggle, some warm and tender embrace that leads to passionate, wild lovemaking. However, the squawking from the baby monitor registers in your ears, and you realize this is not the tender moment you were anticipating. The sexy whisper, “Come on, honey,” is a stinky morning breath grumble, “I did it last time.” If they are ever in need of authentic zombies for the Walking Dead, newborn mom and dads are the perfect candidate. Especially those that have newborn twins.

My partner and I had only been together for a little over a year when the twins were born. Of course, we were overjoyed and high on adrenaline. We were rocking parenthood the first four days. We even made a jaunt to Target with all three babies, and it was awesome. I’m not sure anyone could have done a better job! However, the next day when we took our son for a jaundice checkup, I was feeling weak, sore, and was burning up. We quickly discovered through an ultrasound that I had left over product in my uterus, and was rushed to emergency surgery. I think, for my partner who stayed the night home alone with two five day old babies, it was a real eye opener. Not having a partner to help taking care of them, plus our almost one year old? Thankfully everything is fine now, but I think that was the first step in building our relationship post-babies.

I pointed out in another article how babies change things: and it’s insanely, uncomfortably true. In every aspect of your life. Nothing can prepare you for just how much it changes. Relationships, with your own parents, siblings, friends, and significant other. How you think about the world around you. The love I feel for my parents is so much deeper, and I appreciate them so much more, knowing what it’s like to have a child (or children) of my own. My siblings are the aunts and uncles that shape my kids, the ones they look up to for guidance and advice like I did growing up, only in a more respected form. Their cousins will be their best friends, like mine were. And they will always love their Daddy - just like I always will. I never understood why couples fought so hard to stay together until I had kids with someone that I was in love with. The idea of separating from him, of disrupting my children’s life like that, makes my heart ache.

We have our bad patches, just like everyone does. Goose and I argue over the dumbest things, like who left the milk out or who was the last to get up with a baby, or do the dishes, whatever. These are everyday spats that are over as quickly as they started. But sometimes, we have our blow ups - and they aren’t pretty. I’m not an innocent party - probably, I might be the instigator - and sometimes we say things that we shouldn’t. We are only human, and it’s natural to let our emotions get the best of us. But no matter how badly we fight, serious or not, there is one thing I am certain of every moment of every fight, and the feeling only intensifies as we apologize and make up.

I love this man.

No matter how much we fight, or how our views differ on so many things. I have many faults - including falling asleep hours before Goose is even thinking about going to bed. I’m oversensitive to some of his jokes. He does things that drive me crazy, too! Especially leaving dishes out :p But at the end of the day, good or bad, I get to sleep beside someone that makes me laugh like no one else, that tells me daily how beautiful I am, how lucky he is to have me, and how proud he is to be my man. I get breakfast in bed, back rubs, and naps when I need them. I have a future husband that takes great care of our children, who loves talking and playing with them and voluntarily changes diapers. He is patient with me, and willing to work on his own imperfections. We are learning to communicate and think like a team. We are beginning to really realize that this is forever, and that means we are never going to be apart.

I think it’s important to work to share interests and hobbies with your partner, be it disc golf or Netflix binges or Black Ops 3. It’s important to respect their wishes, to make sure you’re doing everything you can to make your partner feel secure and comfortable with you. Social media is a huge part of our lives and navigating the relationship world with a Facebook or Twitter can be difficult; it is important to be respectful and loving when discussing your relationship publicly. The whole world doesn’t need to know your dirty laundry, and you don’t need to show cracks or vulnerability in your relationship, either. That can invite someone in, which will only cause heartache down the road. It’s important to remember that how you represent yourself to the world as well, in person and online. If you’re walking around like a respectable woman, not flirting and smiling at every attractive man you pass, you aren’t going to invite trouble into the relationship either.

Focus on yourself, and your partner. Figure out how you can better help your partner be successful in life. Build them up, show them love and affection, remind them how much you mean to them. A man always wants to feel that he is the man, that he’s got it going on. From a deep fryer at McDonald’s to a millionaire actor - every man needs that boost of confidence, they deserve to hear how much they mean to you and how important they are to the world. Boosting his mood will help improve your life daily. Try it for a week and tell me it doesn’t improve things! :)

And, without getting too graphic or inappropriate, it is important to keep your partner happy in the bedroom. It’s the closest bond two people can share, a physical manifestation of your love for one another. Love making is what keeps two people in love, it’s as important as everything else in this article. Perhaps the most important thing in this article because it combines just about everything into one moment of happiness and love.

Make sure you love your partner. Make sure you treat your partner with respect, dignity, and kindness. Be a shoulder to lean on, be a hand to hold, be their safe place, their home. Love is a two way street, and if you’re unsatisfied with where you are heading, sometimes it’s important to realize that you may not be pulling your weight. And that is OK, it’s totally normal! As long as you’re willing to swallow your pride and start changing your ways. Babies change how relationships work, and it can go one of two ways - it can make you stronger, or break you apart. As for Goose and I, we are choosing to make it stronger. Through thick and thin, we are determined to make this work. One day at a time. And for that, I love him infinitely more.